Rules to Swearing While Fly Fishing
WARNING! THIS POST IS PG-13. And please don’t take it too seriously ;)
“I told you flies, don’t get stuck in that tree again! You pieces of sh@t motherf#ckers!!!”
When I think about fly fishing, there are a few words that come to mind. Peace, tranquility, nature, mindfulness, meditation, and f*#king frustrating.
I’ve been fly fishing for eight years. In those years eight years of losing flies to trees, making more bad casts than I care to admit, self-loathing tears cried, and not bringing enough beer, I’ve realized that fly fishing is difficult as sh$t.
But you know what helps make me feel better? What gets me to my next lousy cast? What words I mumble through a mouth full of salty angry tears?
Stay positive? Live my best life? Be the best version of myself? Oh, f#ck no!
Swear words!!! And lots of them.
That’s right folks, swearing like a drunken sailor that’s been out to sea for way too long makes me feel awesome! Sure, being positive is great, but sometimes I want to be really honest with myself and live in my frustrating moment. So, I let the explicit words fly like a motherf#cking soaring eagle.
Swear words help me cope, tolerate the pain of a bad day, and they allow me to be creative, expressive, honest and feel like the bada$$ b#tch that I am. Really, is there anything wrong with that? Hell no!
But don’t get me wrong, I’m not yelling f$ck you! at the top of my lungs and throwing my rod down like some loud, angry a$$hole having a tantrum and pissing off everyone around me. No, I’m a polite angry a$$hole with proper f&%king etiquette.
And there are rules to swearing while fly fishing. And if you follow these rules properly, you can still be a frustrated a$$hole on the water, but a respectable frustrated a$$hole who gives a sh$t about those around you and doesn’t create a scene.
Adjust your volume accordingly. Are you fishing in a loud roaring river? If so, then it’s ok to raise the volume of your voice a bit and let the river drown you out. Or are you on a serene quiet lake where every sound carries? Then keep it under your breath so only you can hear it and not your neighbor who’s saying to himself, “This is the best day ever, and I’m so positive!” Yeah, f$ck that guy.
Know your audience. Are there kids nearby? Then keep your voice to a minimum and your swear palette to drab and muted colors. Is it just you and your friends, and this is your one weekend to get away from work, kids, and spouse? Then be loud and proud and paint a rich tapestry with bright and bold f&%king swear words.
Swear like a local. Whether you’re fishing homewaters or just visiting, use the local lingo and sound like the OG you are. For example, in Bend Oregon, where I’m insanely lucky enough to call home, we might say something like… “My g%d d#mn IPA is not f&%king hoppy enough! Next time I drive to Hosmer in my bada$$ Sprinter van to land some super stoked Rainbows, I’m totally buying an 8% IPA with at least 80 IBUs.” Rock on bro!
Have fun and get creative! Maybe you decide to sprinkle in a word or two here and there and only drop an f-bomb on occasion. Or perhaps you’re like me and love to f$cking swear whenever you can. Either way, have fun with it. Make up your own swear words, add a funny accent to them, annunciate certain letters, pretend you’re talking to your boss like you really want to talk to them, or just giggle at being a little naughty.
Own it! Wherever your swear-meter hits, don’t be ashamed and own it. Take that taboo as f&%k word and have fun with it, be confident, and be ok with the fact that it might make you feel better during those frustrating moments of fly fishing.
But remember…
Be kind when being offensive. Ok, that doesn’t make a lot of sense, I realize. But what I mean is if you’re fishing with other people and they’re not down with swear words, then respect that and keep them to yourself. Or hike upriver and get away from those folks so you can create a masterpiece of profanities all to yourself.